This is just one of the other things that held me back from having a sense of freedom. To make it even worse, I have to make myself responsible for things even though I know we both can be responsible. Even when it came to simple things, he would still criticize me when he himself could have done the task too. The way Léonce treats me at times as well as very unpleasant and makes me feel worthless. Everything from feeling opposed, the truth, and even more. Not physically trapped, but trapped in ways that I feel as if I am not happy or, even free. For a while now, I feel like I have been trapped. I truly never mentioned my feelings at times. This is where it all started.Īnother thing that ultimately leads to my actions had to be the way I felt at times. It is quite funny to me that I and Léonce have a rare relationship in which I feel as if he simply does not care enough for me even though I love Robert. I also remember certain people being there as well and some of them would go on to later influence my behavior in different ways. During that vacation, I began to think about how you show no concern for me at times but, somehow we still understand each other. Where do I begin? I think it goes as far as back as to our vacation in New Orleans.
From being married into a dull, uninteresting, marriage with Léonce, to majestically falling in love with Robert Lebrun, to swindling with Alcée Arobin, there is so much I need to free my conscience from. I thought I would have never got to feel this way.
I never quite imagined that all of these things would happen.
The only thing could dare make things worse if Léonce would discover these confessions. Oh dear, I do not know whether to feel guilty or joy after everything I have done up until this point.